Transformers: Not Quite What Meets the Eye
by MysticSpiritus
Summary: Giftfic for the Sacred and Profane. Consider this my first crackfic. Yuffie messes with materia and things go horribly wrong.


**Disclaimer: Ownership is not mine! Go away.**

_Mystic: Seriously, go away. This request was freakin' hard to write out. Sacred and Profane requested something really funny and comical, but my mind would not cooperate. I went through five drafts of this before I gave up and let the fairies take over. I promised I would have this up by tonight and I am a woman of my word. So, here's the best I could do. Sacred, I'm sorry! (runs away) Oh, and give credit to RenzokukenZ for the name of the food eatery in here._

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Ruby eyes blinked as they stared at the white ceiling; the ebony locks of their owner laying across a sea of red satin sheets and pillows. Enigmatic man this was, yet sleep eluded him. A woman was with him; lithe and little, and nestled in his warm embrace. She was an heiress, a future woman of power. And she was all his. Yuffie Kisaragi belonged to Vincent Valentine.

No if, ands, or buts.

Well, Yuffie possessed a very cute butt. Not only did the gunman's piercing gaze often wander to her tight backside, but his hands would as well, after a round of heated lovemaking. Raw, animalistic sex was ceased for the moment; Yuffie collapsing in deep slumber as her last strong orgasm carried her down from the clouds. Her lover was warm and inviting, his arms protective and loving. Their romance was unconditional, their love neverending. Vincent was strong, a gentleman, and most of all, very forgiving.

Boy, was the little shinobi grateful for her lover's limitless patience.

Today was a very good example. Any other man would have broken things off in a cardiac heartbeat after today's earlier events, but Vincent was not other men. He was angry of course, but after taking the time to acess the situation, the gunman just had to laugh. Correction, chuckle slightly. Gut-busting laughter was not his way of doing things. So, the former Turk chuckled, made love to his ninja, and was now trying to fall asleep.

It all started earlier at lunch. Yuffie experienced no guilt as she swiped her man's Transform materia. She really couldn't resist it, honestly. The glowing orb was mastered for crying out loud! The ninja was meeting Vincent, along with Reno and Tifa, for lunch at Kalm Fried Chocobo. Transform materia, and an All materia, was hooked onto her armlet shortly before arrival at the restuarant. She thought it was a good idea. It looked pretty at least. Once again though, Yuffie did not take the time to actually think about her actions--or the consequences thereof.

Another chuckle escaped Mr. Valentine as he gave his young love a gentle squeeze. Only the White Rose of Wutai could mess up a simple materia summoning. Right there, in front of the cash register, an odd glow radiated throughout the restuarant and engulfed the four lovers. No one could determine the side-effects of the combined materia because there weren't any. Their lunch was uneventful ... or so they thought. KFC's owners noticed something highly unusual about the two couples. The buxom brunette managed to down not one, not two, but three whole buckets of their extra-crispy chocobo legs. That girl's boyfriend, the Turk with the flame-red hair, seemed shorter than when he walked in and he suddenly struck a very odd accent.

Reno shrunk in height and Tifa gained a pregnant woman's appetite. Luckily, she wasn't actually knocked up. That would have made the day much worse.

When they all finally left, Vincent carried a craving for a tall glass of milk while Yuffie wanted to chew something. Materia was giving her a desire to have something thick in her mouth and just chew it. Nonstop.

Something was happening to them. They just lacked the idea of what it could be.

Physical transformations were next. The change was gradual, but noticeable not only to them, but to their peers. Reno wasn't the only one shrinking now, Vincent was as well; the difference being that the gunman was growing a thick coat of black fur, while the EMR specialist went nearly bald. Tifa's skin became an uncouth shade of pink, a bright contrast to Yuffie's brown and white skin. The females grew larger while the males downsized. Needless to say, their egos were completely shot. The fact that in most of the animal world females were usually larger did nothing to comfort them.

After a span of a few hours, four animal hybrids was the result. The Wutaiin ninja? A farm cow. Chaos' former host? A cute, fluffy kitten. Edge's best bartender? A pig to go along with the cow. The Senior Turk with flame-red hair? A wallaby. Well, at least that explained his strange accent.

Oh, yeah. Vincent was definately seeing red. A stoic, and former demon host was not supposed to become a kitten. He was to be strong and brave, not cute and squishy. Tifa contemplated what was the longer jail sentence. Premeditated or first-degree murder? Yuffie was going to die! Reno laughed. He let out the gut-busting laughter. Then he wondered why he wanted to hear Yuffie say, "that was a hoot!"

That was their adventure today. Four individuals in love changed into animals. What's bad is that Vincent Valentine wanted to be mad. He really did. He wanted to scold the woman he professed love to, then torture her with the classic silent treatment. Instead, he chuckled. Cerberus' yielder watched with a smirk as his girlfriend changed back to her lithe form. Fortunately, they weren't animals long. Being a kitten was not something he wanted made public. Everyone knew Nanaki's fetish for underage street cats.

Let's not go there.

Yuffie gave everybody a sheepish grin and a quick apology. Damn, she hated saying the "s" word. Her friends knew that too, which made it that much worse. But luckily, they forgave her as they always do. Vincent dragged her by the arm to his apartment and literally threw her on his bed. Just because they weren't animals anymore didn't make the sex anyless animalistic. True, not the best punishment in the world, but at the very least, she finally had something else thick in her mouth to chew and suck on.

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Mystic: Oh, god. What the hell did I do with this? Seriously, what went wrong? Um ... once again, I tried my best with this, but ... I'm sorry!


End file.
